Home Food Doritos is launching special crisps for ladies that don’t crunch as loudly

Doritos is launching special crisps for ladies that don’t crunch as loudly


Rejoice, women: Doritos is launching special quiet crisps for ladies
Pinkies out, pals. (Picture: Metro/ Getty)

Oh hey, ladies.

Ever fancy a nice mid-afternoon snack, but don’t have access to a tea set or any freshly-made scones?

You search, desperately, for an appropriate thing to shove in your mouth. But alas, you can find only hyper masculine food like Yorkie bars or crisps.

Thankfully, the good, kind people over at Doritos have come to save all us hangry women with a snack that will fill our tummies without damaging our delicate sensibilities.

Do not fear, gal pals. We’re not talking about the Doritos you know of, that leave your hands covered in cheesy dust and crunch loudly enough for everyone to know that you are a woman daring to eat.

Nope, Doritos is set to launch a range of special lady friendly crisps for ladies, designed just for us to quietly snack on without leaving any evidence of our human need to take in calories.

PepsiCo, the brand that owns Doritos, has announced plans to make crisps that are quieter and less messy to eat, to be sold in bags that will easily fit in women’s handbags.

Rejoice, women: Doritos is launching special quiet crisps for ladies
A woman, unable to eat such a masculine, crunchy crisp, stares longingly into the sea. (Picture: Getty)

Global chief exec Indra Nooyi said: ‘Although women would love to crunch crisps loudly, lick their fingers and pour crumbs from the bag into their mouth afterwards, they prefer not to do this in public.

‘You watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth, because they don’t want to lose that taste of the flavour, and the broken chips in the bottom.

‘Women would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers.’

And so, rather than questioning why women feel so embarrassed of needing to eat that they would like to do it as furtively as humanly possible, Doritos plans to launch ‘a bunch’ of lady-friendly crisps soon.

Naturally, there’s been an outpouring of support and gratitude on Twitter.


— Fiona Longmuir ? (@EscapologistFi) February 4, 2018

“I know women *want* equal pay, cheaper sanitary products and people to stop harassing them but quiet crisps and a woman traffic light is kinda the same right?” https://t.co/q5NsEROHYc

— Ione Wells (@ionewells) February 4, 2018

Literally HOW do you gender a packet of crisps? Because this reads as shaming women for eating normally and making noises when they chew. You know, like humans do. https://t.co/qRdCCIZegH

— Georgina Adlam (@GeorginaAdlam) February 5, 2018

I guess we’ll have to wait and see if, like women’s razors, lighters for women, and all those other very necessary products made just for our weak, womanly fingers, lady crisps happen to be more expensive than regular crisps.

More: Food

Here’s hoping they also come in fancy lady flavours, like cream cheese and cucumber, salmon, and the bitter taste of inequality.

While you wait for the crisps to arrive on our shelves, do make sure to continue to only make any sounds in the privacy of your own home. Make sure no men have to be distracted by seeing women do disgusting human things like eating.

And if you simply must have a snack during the day, we’d recommend a salad. Women love salads, right?

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