The mother of a man with Aspergers has revealed her heartbreak after he was killed over a picture posted on Facebook.
Helen Godden says not a day goes by when she does not think about her son, Carl Gregory, who was taken from her aged just 20.
Carl was choked to death by John Dickson car park near Broadstairs Kent in October 2016 after he posted a picture online.
Carl – who also had ADHD – shared an image of a woman leapfrogging giant penis statues with the caption: How most girls get over exs.
Helen said: I tend to keep busy, my days are very, very busy. I find in moments when it is quiet, I think too much.
I find the worst time of day is in the morning when I am walking to work.
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Every single morning I am always thinking about Carl and what happened.
Helen has four other children – three daughters aged 20, 11 and 10 and a 16-year-old son – and says she doesnt know how to answer the question of how many she has.
She said: The one question that I was already really scared of answering. Do you you say I have five, do you say you have four and one has died, how do you approach that?
He is never going to be away from my mind. I would be lying if I said everyone is doing great and things have been wonderful. Its very, very hard.
Helen said the family was unsure about how to mark the anniversary of the murder but left cards and flowers at a bench put up in Carls memory at Westwood Cross.
We didnt know what to do. Is there a protocol, is there an occasion?
Dickson was handed an 18 year sentence for Carls murder but Helen said nothing will be sufficient.
She added: Ultimately he is still living a life, something Carl is never able to do.
No matter what the punishment it is not going to bring him back. He ended his own life as well. What a waste.
Maybe one day I would ask what went through mind that you went that far?”
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Sometimes I want to know, sometimes I think I am better off not knowing.
Tthe grieving mother admits she often thinks about the effect Dicksons actions have had on his own family.
She said: She hasnt got her son either. Yeah hes alive she can go and see him, she still hasnt got him there Christmas morning, she still doesnt get to see him every day.
No one wants that for their children.
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Helen has since adopted a philosophical outlook and has learned to cope.
She said: It doesnt get easier, every morning I wake up and think Carls not here and I shall continue to do that probably do that for the rest of my life.
I have just learned now to live my life with that hurt.
Helen now wants to send an important message to others going through a similar situation.
She said: I thought I had to be strong, and then Id hide myself in the bathroom, close the door and do my crying.
I wouldnt tell anybody because I felt like I was letting people down. But the greatest strength is being able to say to someone “hold me and let me cry”.
Its OK to have those moments and sometimes those moments can last a couple of days – its what you do afterwards, thats the strength you use.
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